Gold Before Dusk

even sky holds on to light
climax of the final act
crescendo golden notes to play
sing the evening welcome home
gilding leaf and branch and pond
softened green and cooling air
sigh as though to say
remember this when darkness falls
a memory of day

The Wisdom of Stones

be still
cling to the mountainside
or bottom of the rushing stream
change comes but if you wait
long enough
the pain will pass
rough edges smoothed
story revealed
of storms weathered
flood endured
sunbaked and wind burned
lines deepened
memories etched
soul remains

Decisions and Connections

I am spending a lot of time in a chair while my foot heals and I find myself reading and thinking and making connections. Those connections will find their way here to the blog so I don’t lose them. At least I can point back to these things and feel as though I were a little productive. Enforced relaxation is not as much fun as choosing to relax. Especially when it is wrapped up in pain and stomach issues but I am getting a little better each day.

First of all, if you have never wandered around TedTalks and watched a video or two, you are missing out. Some of the brightest minds, the best presenters, the least boring people ever can be found there. This morning I watched Daniel Gilbert talk about decisions.

“Human Beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished. The person you are right now is as transient, as fleeting, as temporary as all the people you’ve ever been. The one constant in our lives is change”

Daniel Gilbert Harvard psychologist

Later in the morning there was a blog article in my FaceBook feed talking about making decisions. According to the article:

Suzy Welch says to use the 10-10-10 rule. What are the consequences of my decision in 10 minutes, in 10 months, and in 10 years. To read more of what she has to say about the process you can purchase her book 10.10.10 Life Transforming Idea. I have included a link below.

I was reminded of a sermon on how to make a decision based on Christian principals. The lesson advocated three different sources of Godly counsel. The Bible, prayer, and seeking advice from a Godly friend. All three are suggested because as we all know, scripture taken out of context can often be made to say what we want it to say. Sometimes we assume prayer is  answered according to what we want as well. To just seek Godly counsel from a friend is to leave your decision in the hands of one fallible human who may or may not be as Godly as you think. By combining all three of these tools you have a better chance of a true picture of what direction you should take.

Google decision making and you will find thousands of articles on how and what to do. Some even go as far as saying spreadsheet it out. One interesting piece suggested reversing your assumptions. List all the assumptions, Reverse them – what is their opposite? Then ask yourself how to accomplish each reversal. This may give you a different perspective.

Most decisions we make are based on feelings and I don’t think you can ever take that completely out of the equation, and probably would not want to. But maybe these are some tools that would help when we are trying to make the really big, grown-up decisions that are going to have lasting consequences.


to purchase Suzy Welch’s book go here:

A Convergence of Reading and Thought

“Science is expanding our ignorance
One of the things that science does is a really curious thing.  Every time we use science to try to answer a question, to give us some insight, invariably that insight or answer provokes two or three other new questions. Anybody who works in science knows that they’re constantly finding out new things that they don’t know. It increases their ignorance, and so in a certain sense, while science is certainly increasing knowledge, it’s actually increasing our ignorance even faster. So you could say that the chief effect of science is the expansion of ignorance.
In a curious way, Google is all about answers. So you could say that Google is increasing answers over time, but what’s interesting is that answers are becoming cheap; they’re almost free, and I think what becomes scarce in this kind of place that we’re headed to is questions, a really good question, because a really good question can unleash new questions.
In a certain sense what becomes really valuable in a world running under Google’s reign, are great questions, and that means that for a long time humans will be better at than machines.
Machines are for answers; humans are for questions.
The world that Google is constructing—a world of cheap and free answers—having answers is not going to be very significant or important. Having a really great question will be where all the value is.”

Kevin Kelly

For entertainment I am reading Little Brother by Cory Doctorow. The premise of the book is that after a terrorist attack in San Francisco, the powers that be abuse technology to track everyone. The rallying cry of the book is “Don’t trust anyone under 25″ So I am reading the book from the perspective of the age group that proposes the loss of some freedom is worth the price of safety.

I am also reading it from the perspective of an aging hippy who saw the sixties and seventies fade into the complacency of the eighties. I enjoy the convenience of technology. Debit cards and loyalty cards, cell phones, opening up Facebook every morning to see what my friends and family are up to.

I am of the generation that enjoys the convenience of toll passes and search engines and online banking and shopping. I give little passing notice to the changing ads on my Facebook and Google pages that reflect things I have recently shopped for. I use my debit card to buy gasoline that tells someone, somewhere, that I have been at this gas station on this day. My internet provider tracks where I go on the internet and amazon contains my wishlist of products I would like and books I wish to read. My google calendar and Facebook birthdays sync and seem to have conversations that I am not even a part of.

I am pretty transparent. Is that a bad thing?

I remember a day when the only time you got a long distance phone call was when someone died. I remember my mother writing actual letters to her mother and news would take a week to arrive. I remember my mother using the saying “You never know what goes on behind closed doors.” I remember when there was only one phone in the house and it hung on the kitchen wall. There was no privacy and you better not have phone calls from friends at meal time because that was when everyone gathered at the table and the tv stayed off until you had finished your vegetables and helped clear the dishes. There was only one tv and it was in the living room. The entire family watched it together and on Sunday nights we kids would get to have snacks in the living room and watch Walt Disney. There was no concern over shows (or commercials) being too adult.

When my kids were growing up, we had one computer and it sat in the living room. There was no privacy. Their first phones were tracphones that I bought minutes for. They were strictly for using to call me to come pick them up after band and debate trips. They had no internet or cameras. We owned a set of encyclopedias. We made trips to the public library. I recorded RugRats and Winnie the Pooh cartoons on our vcr so they could watch them over and over.

Now it seems that most of us really do live in glass houses. I have a blog, I am on Facebook, Linkdin, Pinterest, and so many other sites that it takes a spreadsheet to keep track of my passwords. Even when the family is together, we all have our phones, laptops, tablets, and any discussion or argument is rapidly solved with Google. If I want to learn how to do something, I watch a video on Youtube or TedTalks. I used to keep a list of books that I wanted to read and would almost always wait for them to come out in paperback unless I borrowed them from the library.

I remember a time when there was no such thing as a camera in the hall at school. Now it is commonplace. As a student I made sure that I never got in trouble at school (or at least did not get caught) because a call home would have been disaster. I would have been in double trouble. Once for whatever I did and again for the fact that I embarrassed the family in public. Now it seems that the only person not held responsible for behavior is the individual acting.

I tend to think of the past as static. Things were this way or that way and for a period of time and then they changed. I am no longer certain of this perception. It seems as though things have been in a state of change for years and now I question whether it has always been like that and I just did not notice the changes happening, or if things really are changing faster and faster. There seems to be no chance to just stop and catch our breath and wonder about where we are going and if the changes are positive.

Cory Doctorow’s book Little Brother, shows the dark side of what can happen when government abuses the lack of privacy that we have voluntarily embraced. I am not at the point where I would close my Facebook account and withdraw from the internet, but I am starting to wonder if we are asking the right questions. How much sharing is too much sharing? Will there be a cost and what will it be? The days of hiding one’s youthful indiscretions are gone. There is now a record of everything and often we have created ourselves with our selflies and checkins and lists of what we ate for supper. I lead a mundane life and cannot see the government being interested in what recipe I shared or the fact that I searched for the best way to construct a plot. But, if someone wanted to, they could follow my footprints. The could see that I drove to this city on this day, stopped and got gas and a snack, shopped here, ate lunch there. There are probably photos of some of it since security cameras have become commonplace.

We as a culture, never seem to slow down on the path and question what might be lurking over the next hill. Science creates ways to grow more vegetables and we end up with hormones in our food. Research figures out a way to cure a disease and the possible side effects seem worse than the original illness. Like guinea hens we run en masse after whatever newest, latest, discovery.

I witness it repeatedly on Facebook. One person will post something and before the end of the day I will see that same post spread, often without thought of accuracy. We wear our politics and religion like badges and leave our cyber trash behind us. We repeat what we read, share and “like” and comment. How many posts on Facebook every day are disrespectful of the President of the United States? What if tomorrow there was an attempt on the President’s life and the government decided to question anyone who had made negative statements? What if a non-Christian country invaded and decided to round up anyone who professed to be Christian.

I am not saying that it is wrong to speak your mind or that we should live in fear that what we say will be used against us. I am saying that we take so much for granted. The possibility does exist  and maybe we should be making less statements and asking more questions.

If you are interested in reading Little Brother you can download it from Mr. Doctorow’s site. He sells his books but also makes them available for free in various formats.

It can be found here:

“Cory Efram Doctorow is a Canadian-British blogger, journalist, and science fiction author who serves as co-editor of the blog Boing Boing. Wikipedia
“Kevin Kelly is the founding executive editor of Wired magazine, and a former editor/publisher of the Whole Earth Catalog. He has also been a writer, photographer, conservationist, and student of Asian and digital culture. Wikipedia
Addendum:if you want to know more –
“Effectively, this is the ParanoidLinux I fictionalized in my novel Little Brother. “

“Tails is a live system that aims to preserve your privacy and anonymity. It helps you to use the Internet anonymously and circumvent censorship almost anywhere you go and on any computer but leaving no trace unless you ask it to explicitly.

It is a complete operating system designed to be used from a DVD, USB stick, or SD card independently of the computer’s original operating system. It is Free Software and based on Debian GNU/Linux.

Tails comes with several built-in applications pre-configured with security in mind: web browser, instant messaging client, email client, office suite, image and sound editor, etc.”

To read about, download and/or use Tails –

Update on the Update

I have been cleared for surgery. Wednesday at 2 P.M. they will operate and add metal plates and screws to my foot. I have had very little pain considering I have a broken bone. I suspect that will all change Wednesday. I have to admit, I am a major chicken. And baby. As in whiny, pitiful baby. The very idea of metal plates and screws makes me cringe.

Nothing to eat or drink all day either. Blech.

Hopefully I will be in a bit better frame of mind the next day. The worst will be behind me and I will be enthroned on the couch where I shall remain with foot elevated for three days. I am hoping for very good pain meds. And ice cream. I am already stocked up. There are two gallons of Breyers Waffle Cone ice cream in the freezer. My kindle is stocked up too. I plan to sleep, eat, and read. Aside from the whole plate and screws part, sounds like a vacation :)


Broken Update

I had a very long day Friday. Rented a knee scooter which will be helpful later. I wanted to try it out and found it to be helpful but there are frequent situation where I have to use my broken foot a little. The surgeon tells me I am to put absolutely no weight on it immediately after so this would not be a good solution. As soon as I can put a little weight on it I am going to get one. Awesome alternative to crutches.

I did all my pre-op stuff Friday – surgery is approved by workers comp. Labs should be back Tuesday and hopefully  I will be cleared for surgery so then as soon as they can get it scheduled I will get this over with. This happened on May 30 and it is now June 15th so I am more than ready to move ahead. By the end of the day Friday I felt like I had hobbled ten miles! Crutches are exhausting.

I am grateful to my husband who has had to tote and fetch since movement is possible but not carrying things like plates of food or cups of coffee. He is not a coffee drinker but he has learned to make it for me.

I am eternally grateful to Cindy, the patient care coordinator at Dr. Jones office. She is knowledgeable and caring and KIND, the first person who not only was willing to get things moving, but volunteered information about things I didn’t even know to ask. People who are willing to go the extra step in their job are invaluable in this world and I appreciate her more than she will ever know.

Book Review of Bullet by Jonathan Lister

I received an ARC copy of Bullet for free in exchange for providing a review. I read a lot of urban fantasy but I enjoy a bit more romance in the story than this book provided. This is the first time I have ever done a book review and it makes me uncomfortable to say anything negative but I want to be honest and hopefully the author will appreciate that.

Bullet is the second book in a series. It took me a while to warm up to the story but I finally did. To be fair, I did not read the first book and I think I would have understood things a bit better if I had not walked in in the middle, so to speak.

What I liked: I enjoyed the almost noir feel. I came to like Leon, though there is room for development there. Leon is flawed . He is stubborn and independent to a fault. He is also totally loyal and fiercely protective of his daughter. He is honorable and if he makes a commitment, he will honor it even if it means great personal sacrifice. Leon has several major objectives he cares about. He cares first for Shauna, his daughter. He cares for his friend David and the job he has taken on to protect him. He cares for doing the right thing  as defined by his own set of principles.

I liked the blending of human and werewolf politics and the action scenes were believable. The author gave a real and gritty feel for the world his characters inhabit. I would love to see more development of Shauna as a character. She spends a lot of time either mad, frightened, or a combination. I don’t mind a little sulky teenage angst but a little happy thrown in would help me warm up to her.

I love the character of Shauna’s grandmother – the matron. It was a relief to have a good and strong female presence to give the girl some guidance and soften the masculine edges that frame her life.

What I did not like:
The author never clearly explains why a werewolf pack wants his daughter so badly, nor why Leon is so opposed to being a part of a pack.

I had difficulty at times with the descriptive language. I kept feeling as though things could have been said more simply and I was often thrown out of the story in order to reread a phrase to see what it meant in context. A  times I wanted to yell “just say what you mean!” This causes a disconnect for me.

The ending left me wondering if there will be a third installment. Lots of unanswered questions and no real a resolution.


Would I read more? I will probably go back and read the first book to see if my questions are answered. I read a lot of series books but I rarely read them out of order. Some authors feel it necessary to give too much information about a previous book in a series which is nearly as irritating as not getting enough, but I am a lazy reader. I want to be entertained though I don’t mind if there are some life lessons thrown in. I just don’t want to work hard to feel connected to the characters.

The masculine take on werewolves was a switch for me. I tend to read books with strong female protagonists and while there is a teaser of a possible future love interest for Leon, this is more of a tough guy, beat them silly and move on kind of tale and it may be that I was just not the correct audience. There is a lot of potential here. I look forward to seeing more from this author in the future.

Temporarily Broken

A week ago, I broke my foot. I stepped off the bottom of a stair and missed the last step. I came down hard and broke the fifth metatarsal. That is the long bone that goes to the pinkie.

I went to have it x-rayed and the nurse taking down notes said she was just say I hurt my foot because otherwise I might have problems getting insurance to pay because they would say workers comp would have to pay.

Work decided that it WAS a workers comp thing. Paperwork was changed. I made phone calls and found a doc at the Carrell clinic in Dallas that takes workers comp. I made an appointment. The doc there said it needs surgery.

Apparently workers comp has not completed investigating so here I sit. A week later. If I had used private insurance, I probably would have already had my surgery and be on my way to returning to work which is what I WANT! I would have some pretty big bills I am sure but I pay some pretty big insurance premiums too. Whether I use it or not.

Instead I am waiting for people who do not know me to make decisions about my life (without even talking to me) and in the meantime, I am stuck with this boot and crutches. For four years I ran up and down stairs at the new high school. I never tripped, fell, or otherwise injured myself. I have never broken a bone before. I detest sitting around and detest being helpless even more. I am frustrated, tired, worried, and sore. I want to get this fixed and go back to work.

To add insult to injury, we had a trip to New Orleans planned. It would have been the first time we ever took a vacation that did not involve visiting family or kids or driving a thousand miles. We were going to fly, take a shuttle to the hotel in the French Quarter, WALK most places, and fly home. That will most likely not happen and it is non-refundable, non-changeable, nada, nothing.

I KNOW there are people worse off than me and that I should be counting my blessings. I KNOW God has a plan and that He will work this out. I KNOW I am being whiny and complaining and not fun. I should use this time to write. I should turn it into a positive, I should be grateful that I have a husband who waits on me and that I am not trying to do everything alone.

I should. And I will do better. For now, waaaaaaah.  There. I’m done. Pity party over.

Crow Song

scolding scalding caws
and claws on blackboards
chords of older songs
seemed stronger longer than
the days the slower ways
the crow says as he flies
gray skies hold promises of storm
the walls the hallowed halls or
moral qualms inspire psalms
and layers of prayers from absent
mothers, fathers, calms the beast
that feasts on young and
rears a greedy head and wed
to things that never last we
cast our nets and bring them
back and weep for tatters
scatter seed in empty hands
attempt to quench the thirst
with sand the wooden skeletal
remains of boats, of pain
of what was meant, not what was sent
still gazing up we question why
but crow just circles empty sky
while clouds bear witness to a lie
we bought and fought for holding tight
to grasping clasping wringing hands
we’re tied to land with dampened wings
and crows can fly but never sing


It seems that my humble little blog was hacked with spam so please pardon the changes as things are cleaned up.


make me see exuberance
green shoots burst, as though by chance
an open arms, explosive dance
a carnival of sight

make me smell the sweetened air
of wildflower jewels with petals fair
enticing bees as if a dare
sun bright and deep as night

let me hear the softest tune
of buzzing bees and birds in June
of whippoorwill that sings to moon
though hidden from the light

remind me when the winter snow
brings silence to the soft meadow
and color sleeps in frost below
the world dressed black and white

sweet warmth will come again to me
the first steps of the dance will be
proof of the perfect victory
life wins the final fight

Burning Sky

unseen we breathed it in
and then back out again
until the fire lived inside
and darkness grew within our hearts
and tore love from inside the parts
of us we held so dear and deep and near
the brightest sun sank in the sea
and no one no where left to flee
a blood red sky knelt down and wept
and all that breathed was quickly swept
up in the raging flames burned all
to ash yesterday’s games a memory
but sadly no one left to see


(from a friend’s photograph)


even the signs
with their sharp edges
cold in the dawn
posts planted deep in concrete

even the smoke
billowing from stacks
where power is forged
to keep away the dark

even the poles
that carry the wires
stretching us from
mile to mile

know to reach for sky
for sun and light
wrapped in cold air
pointing ever upward

so we planted on earth
powerless and stretched
still reach to be carried


the softest touch
of cloud laid against
nights cheek
whisper to blue dreams
wrap all the tired pain
of this day
in seashell pink
lay it down for a time
cradled rest
swaddled like a newborn
brushed by treetops
sleep child
until the sun

Luke 17:20-21

A Pastor friend posed this question:

“How do you define the kingdom of God? Is it heaven? Or maybe the perfect evening with your family at your favorite restaurant? These answers are not wrong, but one thing’s for sure. The kingdom of God is not ushered in with visible signs. You won’t be able to say, “It has begun here in this place or there in that part of the country.” For the kingdom of God is something that is within your own heart.”
Based on Luke 17:20-21″

My response:

They asked Him for a map you see
To get to heavens shore and lee
His answer was within the key
He knew they would stay lost

You cannot get there by direction
Though easier if you make connection
The price is all and predilection
Proved that He would pay the cost

So look within and give without
Cling to the savior though you doubt
Receive and share it’s all about
The least will see most

If Jesus lives inside of you
His love will change the way you view
Put self aside, let Him shine through
The Father, Son and Holy Ghost

I am enjoying this rhyme scheme of aaabcccb, a pleasure to write and fun to read.

Louisiana Dawn


photo credit Caspiano Sunrise by Timmie McEachern

give me a pirogue
to where the sun is lazy
and oozes up from the swamp
at it’s own pace
where you can read the past
in the trees
standing in dark water
or stretched out waiting for turtles
to ease up for warmth
where the mist rising
is a quiet morning song
and the fish lurk deep
in the coolness
slapping the boat bottom
indignant at the interruption
of Louisiana dawn

The Snow Queen’s Loss

Terri Windling has a winter poetry challenge at her blog at

I had hoped to join all week but real life conspired against me. The challenge for today was the fairy tale The Snow Queen and there are beautiful images and plenty to read. This is my contribution.

every line so well thought out
close the door, remove all doubt
erased emotions strewn about
perfection wipes away the pain
what once was out now buried deep
wrapped up in walls, a heart asleep
to feel no pain and never weep
a ruse the only thing you gain

but love pursues as though the fire
sparks tiny light with hope aspire
braves danger, scoffs at warning dire
burns higher through the storm and rain
draws like unto itself and grows
lies patient in the winter blows
till one becomes a million glows
cold’s battle all in vain

melting snow left all alone
feed blooms left where
brightest love has shone

The Mirror


when I was young, my face too thin
my nose too short, my mouth too wide
dictates from the magazines
kept the soul curled deep inside
imprisoned by a silver box
that oft demands perfection
it takes us years to smash the ice
and take a new direction
but once compared I now set free
without a backwards glance
now worlds imagined claim my feet
on softest dreams I dance



Photo was posted on facebook as a prompt – I am not sure of the owner. If you find it here and wish it removed or would like me to give you credit please leave a comment.