The Dating Game

Sunday Scribbling prompt #170 : human

She dressed with care, having discarded dresses that were too short, too revealing, not sexy enough, made her look fat.  She had finally gone shopping, blew a weeks pay on a little cocktail dress and shoes to match.  Got it zipped, where are those earrings?

Two weeks ago she had made the decision to go ahead and sign up for an account on and she had filled out her profile of likes and dislikes and what she looked for in a man.  Hmmph, breathing, single, heterosexual, and employed.  She really wasn’t that fussy.  The website promised an experience that was out of this world. She had splurged on a manicure and pedicure, had her roots touched up,  She slipped on her shoes and examined herself in the mirror.  Not too bad.

The mirror showed a slightly middle-aged woman with thinning hair, a little bit of bulge and skin no amount of moisturizer would make look nineteen again, dressed to go on the prowl.  She saw an attractive, put together, vital creature in her prime, ready for love. She put on her Luscious Wine lipstick, blotted her lips on a tissue and grabbed her little purse with her mad money, I.D., pepper spray, and breath mints tucked in the bottom.

Last week she had checked her inbox and there was an email notifying her that someone had checked her profile and wished to meet.  There was a link to click on to see his profile and respond.  she clicked it and was pleasantly surprised.  He wasn’t bad looking, had all his hair.  He had beautiful green eyes and a nice smile.  He liked traveling, having new experiences, learning new things.  He listed his business status as consultant.  That sounded like it paid well and when she suggested they meet at Brocatto’s he didn’t bat an eye.  She decided to use some of her bill money on a taxi instead of taking the bus.  She wanted to make a good impression on what could be her future and smelling like some of the riff raff on the bus was not her idea of classy.

She took one last look around the apartment.  She had dusted all the knick knacks and arranged her lacy pillows just in case they ended up back here.  You didn’t plan on that, at least for the first date but you never knew.  There hadn’t been a man here since Ted and he didn’t even stay long enough to get the tour.  He finished and half dressed mumbling something about dark bars as he made his exit.  He had never even called back.  Riff raff!

The cab honked and she locked her front door and entered the cab telling the driver the address.  He dropped her at the door and she stepped into the foyer.  She gave the Maitre ‘d the name of the gentleman she was meeting and he escorted her to a secluded table in a quiet corner.  Great place for quiet conversation.  He stood as she got to the table and held out his hand.  They exchanged pleasantries and he held out her chair for her.  He ordered a bottle of wine and they talked quietly.  The waiter came and she allowed him to order for her.  She didn’t care what she ate, she was salivating thinking about her rosy future if she could work this right.  She wouldn’t have to worry about the bill money she had spent and she could quit her crappy little office job.

When the soup came she carefully placed her napkin in her lap and took a taste.  It was wonderful, nothing like the cafeteria food she was used to.  She looked across the table as she raised her face from her soup just in time to see the worm looking thing from his mouth retract leaving an empty soup bowl behind.  His green eyes glittered and glowed and spun as they bulged from his head and then sunk back into their orbits.  He smiled, or at least she thought he did.  How does one know, after all?

The waiter came to remove the soup bowls.  He had ordered her the special House Salad, prepared with fresh greens and the Chef’s own special dressing. He said he preferred to watch her enjoy her meal and the soup was all he required.  He made small talk while she savored the salad.  There was an odd flavor to the dressing that she couldn’t quite identify.  It was delicious though.  She felt very comfortable and found herself chatting about her life and job and for some odd reason it didn’t bother her that his eating habits were a bit well, inhuman.  She chuckled to herself, thinking that her preferences for a mate had not included human.  It was confusing why that didn’t bother but the salad was so good, she had the urge to lick the last drops of dressing from the bowl.  He nodded and smiled as though he read her thoughts and even held the bowl up for her.

He paid the check and took her elbow to guide her out of the restaurant.  On the street she was thinking his travels and wondered if they were on this planet.  He suggested they go for a walk and she just grinned and signaled her acquiescence.  They strolled down the street and turned down a lane that was not as well lit.  She giggled, ready for his kiss and just as the strange proboscis extended from his mouth toward her eye, she screamed.

24 thoughts on “The Dating Game

  1. Sophie

    Great story! I am so glad I found the right guy online instead of this one. I did encounter a few creepy types that might have been relatives though. 🙂

  2. paschal

    Considering the fact that the mirror saw something entirely different from what she saw, maybe the proboscis was simply moving in for an impromptu round of Lasik surgery.

    That’s my hangup about manifesting prayer: you’ve always got to get all the details down. It’d be just like me to manifest a Hot Wheels car instead of the life-sized Beemer I thought I wanted. Oh, you wanted one you could actually fit inside of? So sorry! Nice how, until the scream, she was willing to go with the flow of not quite human. I’d like to think they could get past the little misunderstanding. Maybe they kiss eyeballs on NarKon. She might come to like it.

    Nice bit of subversive fun here, Dee.

  3. Dee Post author

    “The secret’s in the sauce” as they say LOL. She was hoisted by her own dressing…

    There is always a lesson in answered and what seems like unanswered prayer. My problem is I always hear one thing when I’m actually being told something else. I’m repeatedly thumped on the noggin by God as I go one direction when he meant for me to move in another.

    Maybe that’s part of the need to write. To constantly explore the murk of communication. Add a word here, choose a different one there. Use an exclamation point instead of a period, constantly trying to convey something we see – perfect and complete to another soul. “Can you see what I was thinking without filtering it through the nuances of your memories and emotions?” Is that what we ask when we put words down? Your post yesterday was you in pain and I interpreted it tongue in cheek – a disconnect. But further communication changed my perception of what you were trying to express.

    Too complex. I spent the afternoon at a Fourth of July festival in Roxton yesterday – a little over 600 population and they had something going on every part of the day, including, are you ready? A Cow Patty Toss. Yep. You heard it right. Ended with fireworks and a street dance. The traffic was jammed for several miles because the whole town and friends and family turned out. If the NarKonian had showed up they’d have handed him a bowl of ice scream and loaned him a lawn chair.

    Hope your perspective is a little softer around the edges today 🙂

  4. Anonymous

    oh, dee! i had to laugh at this, as just this morning (since i am of a mature age and not inclined to seek out people) my son suggested i go to….

    now i’ve a good reason to explain to him why it’s not a good idea!!

  5. quin browne

    poo! i forgot to log in!! that last commment was mine… ps, i’ve linked you on my main site, i hope you don’t mind. if you do, let me know and i’ll remove it…

  6. MichaelO

    That was a scream, Dee! I don’t know what was on that salad. But the effect is akin to beer goggles! So what if he eats like a fly and his eyes are stalked? Great twist!

  7. Retromus-ik

    Wow. I love all the lil descriptions, and loved the ending! Too bad the man had a snout for a mouth. I would have been a bit suspicious when I noticed he didnt eat food, it would lead me to ask myself, “What does he eat?”;) Great piece!

  8. Tammie

    wonderful piece that made me chuckle. Funny that the bulging spinning eyes were just fine…. but in the end…. not so ok. Thank you.

  9. John Tran

    Hello Dee,

    Very nicely done! I had a feeling early on something was about to happen – everything was just too rosy at the beginning. 🙂 I didn’t expect the ending though.

    (Btw, thanks for visiting my blog)


  10. Jane Doe

    Wonderfully descriptive. Your two characters, especially the woman, are very well done, especially for such a short piece. The story progresses so normally and then we’re suddenly hit with the fact that her date isn’t human, a great twist.

  11. Susan Helene Gottfried

    Oops. I’ve had this screen open for eons and forgot about it! That, of course, meant I got to start reading all over again from the beginning.

    I gotta say, this is as good, if not better, than the fiction I read at Everyday Fiction. You should start submitting!

  12. gypsy

    came here from Rebecca’s blog…

    what a twist and the flow of the story was very nice, just took me along…


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