Still Here

Well friends are bringing supper every night next week. I broke down and admitted that I just can’t do it all. I can cook for Dale and right now I’m pushing protein shakes at him, but the kids are being neglected and I just can’t seem to get it all done. Today they are helping me get the house cleaned up and that will help my frame of mind. I worry about them. The line between parent and child gets blurred around here pretty often right now. My emotions are all over the place and they are spending some time petting me. I’m tired and I know it isn’t that I’m tired physically – I’m tired from worry and I’m trying to get a few things done today just to keep my mind from working overtime while we wait for the results of the blood culture. I helped him bathe this morning and maybe this afternoon after some food and hefty napping we can tackle his hair. We sat on the back porch for a little while with the sprinkler going and it was relaxing for both of us. We talked about what to do next if this infection is not a problem. He had talked about going back on peritoneal dialysis but had some apprehension about the possibility of peritonitis happening again. From what I am reading there is a higher chance of that exact thing and there is scarring that occurs with the infection so it is possible he would not get as good a dialysis if it would work at all. We will probably end up with him getting a fistula in his arm and getting hemodialysis til he can get a transplant. This means some lifestyle and diet changes for awhile but you have to be infection free for so many months before you can be a candidate for transplant and I’m not sure his body could handle going through this a second time. Break time over – time to get back to work. The bookshelves have about an inch of dust on them and I hear them calling me…