Three Word Wednesday : occur, ragged, and tidy
It never occurred to him to be worried.Â He should have known better.Â Everything was in it’s place, nice and tidy.Â “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” Mother used to say.Â Ben always thought as long as he had his house in order the rest of his life would follow suit.
Unfortunately for Ben, he never reckoned on meeting Lucia.Â He had been seeing her for a month and had planned their one month anniversary down to the last detail.Â She was a bit of a slob but that would change.Â He would help her.
His cleaning lady had come on her off day. He paid her double to make sure the house was spotless.Â He ordered all of Lucia’s favorite dishes from the deli and had the bakery make a special tiramisu.Â The table was set and the wine that had been chilling was now sitting in a sweating bucket of lukewarm water leaving a white spot on the table.Â The candles had burned themselves out and wax puddled around them.
Ben sat with a ragged hole in his throat, leaking blood all over the nice shiny floor.Â There was one finger sized hole in the tiramisu. Mother would have been so disappointed.
Ah, that’s my kind of story 🙂
Interesting and creepy, but just enough to be my kind of creepy. I think you might need a comma between “his throat, leaking blood” as I think a slight pause there would help.
thank Thom – I will fix it. I appreciate the edit 🙂
I love how this is just a little dark and like Thom said, creepy. Great piece!
dark and creepy are great compliments, thank you!
what a grim end, did not expect the end at all but then again, I always prefer happy endings
Dee…wow! What a twist in the end….and a twisted one at that. I’ve always loved reading mystery. Now I want to know who done it and why.
I agree with Lilibeth, I am going to be wondering about the motives, but it’s great to send the reader away thinking of your piece. This one’s a keeper.
Overall, very creative and well written, with a touch of morbid.
Oooh, what a nicely creepy story with a dark and twisty ending! Excellently done.
Nothing worse than a hole in the tiramisu! Good read with a surprising twist.
Of course, the heavy shivers started at “but that would change. He would help her.” Knowing your alter ego as I do, it was “dead” sure he was gonna have to pay for that sentiment. Y’all can go and diss on Lucia all you want: my money’s on Mama’s finger inside that cake…
Years ago I went with my mother to see the movie “Play Misty For Me”. The housekeeper happened to be in the house when the crazy stalker lady came and stabber her repeatedly and tore the place up. I’ll never forget them taking that housekeeper out on the stretcher as she looked up at Clint Eastwood and told him “It’s gonna cost you double to clean up this mess”. It stuck with me. (and Lissa – everything turned out okay in the movie! The housekeeper lived, crazy stalker lady got locked up, and Clint lived happily ever after with his lady love)
wild & different…where’s my ben?
Whenever a man thinks he will “help her” I will now picture a one-holed piece of tiramisu in my mind. 🙂
haha whatever it takes Julie! Mia – I’m not sure old Ben didn’t need a little punishing, you have to watch out for those guys that think you would disappoint their mama 🙂