iron fingers curled
round street lamps
coat wrapped around me
fending off damp
color bled out to the gray
time suspends the gift of day
to the east
the dark approaches
western light holds
last reproaches
stand between
with outstretched hands
for one sweet second
the hourglass sands
cease their descent
my breath is postponed
nights secret hope
tomorrows unknown
hi Dee, welcome to & thanks for trying out Thursday Tales.
your poem is very nice… ours is more of story meme though.
please do try a story next time out! 🙂
My, my, Dee. Fascism has come to meme-world now. In future, please refrain from all originality. Lord knows, you’ve probably never written an original piece of fiction, so come on, lass, give it a go!
I suppose in keeping with the meme, I should refrain from commentary on “very nice” poems, but I’ll bend the rules anyhoo. I like the mirrorings here, whether through the rhymes or through images:
iron fingers curled
round street lamps
coat wrapped around me (curled, wrapped)
I like this fulcrum:
to the east
the dark approaches
western light holds
last reproaches
Please write again! Next time, maybe try a Valedictory Speech! In Latin! Translated from the Portuguese! Written backwards!
While eating split pea soup!
(Bad boy. Down.) Peace/out.
No telling what the one-worders think of our bastardizing their prompts.
(I. said. down.)
It’s okay sir knight lol. I don’t think he meant it. They are just starting out. In the future if I wish to use the prompt but veer from the other parameters I will just post and not link. No harm no foul. You forget – I work with mostly women. My skin is much thicker and besides, I can always kill someone off….
As for the poem, I didn’t quite pull off what I was seeing in my mind. Maybe that’s why I didn’t react. You remember in the movie City Of Angels when the angels gather at the beach and wait for the sun to set and they can actually hear the sound it makes? I wanted that moment just before, when everything seems to stop for a second. It’s on the tip of my mind, at the edge of my sight, I just can’t quite make the words say what I want. I will keep chasing it.
I’m trying to develop a habit. I watched a video of Norah Roberts where she was asked about how she was able to write so many books. She said among other things, Catholic school. Putting your ass in the chair and writing. “Responsibility and Discipline wins out over muse every time.” Soooo, I will write even if it’s bad. She also said you can fix a bad page, you can’t fix a blank page.
Thanks by the way – you made me smile 🙂
I wasn’t concerned about you or your skin: I know you can kick ass and take names. Just one of my pet peeves being activated. My students negotiate nearly every one of my writing assignments: I’m thrilled by the writing, not by whether or not they will fit themselves inside one of my boxes, even if they are occasionally elegant ones at that.
I definitely get the intention you brought to the poem. I was wondering if the rhyming may have gotten in the way. Rhyming’s a tricky thing, though why songwriters pull it off so well is beyond me. But, you’re rhyming may be hamstringing what you’re reaching for: it enforces a structure that may need loosening up to serve your purposes.
You could be right. It’s kind of fun to try to dam up the stream and make it go where I want it though.
Wow, Dee, your poem is controversial! I’m not much of a poetry person, but I love those last two lines.
sigh.. I’m a poet myself, and I do appreciate your poem in all its beauty Dee.. I told just like that, revealing our intention behind the Thursday Tale meme 🙂 and hoping of course you’ll continue to link. Even a poem can be a tale.. I know too.
Leo – it is really okay. I hardly have time (til school is out) to post to the sites I regularly haunt. I saw yours and just did a kind of a “drive by” poem to participate. That said – I never meant it to be a big deal. As the kids would say – it’s all good k?
Very nice!!! 😀