One Day, One Step, One Bite, at a time

My attention span is so short – “how short is it?” you ask. Taking care of Dale is pretty demanding right now and in between keeping him fed and comfortable and trying to take back my house which was pretty much run by two teenagers for two weeks is proving a daunting task. I start to do something and Dale calls and I forget what I was doing before that and start something else and yesterday evening my son walked up to me and asked what was for supper and I had to grab the kitchen counter and stare out the window while I collected myself so I wouldn’t take his head off. I had been trying to start supper for 4 hours and at that point as long as Dale got fed I really didn’t care if anyone else ate. By 7 P.M. I was trying to finish the dishes (the dishwasher croaked while I was at Baylor with Dale), trying to fold the last load of clothes for the day, putting up food, getting Dale a snack and then while Dale napped I mowed about half the back yard. At 9 P.M. I asked Jessica to sit with her dad while I took a shower which by the way is a great place to cry your eyes out without anyone knowing. At 11:30 Dale had his pain pill and I fell into bed, read half a page of my book and that’s the last thing I remember til this morning and now it’s time to start all over again. Dale felt a little better this morning and every tiny bit of progress is reason to celebrate. Yesterday was rough on him because we had to go to the dialysis center where he had to sign all the forms and answer all the questions to get started on hemodialysis again. He was in pain by the time we got through and it is such a depressing place and he feels like he is starting over from where he was two years ago. He really isn’t because we can still do transplant once he gets clear of infection and built back up, but right now while he feels so bad physically it seems that way to him. He is worried about bills and work and everything and keeping him motivated and hopeful is as important right now as the physical stuff. My mantra these days is just get through this day – for him and for myself. Last night Dale said I was an angel.  I told him I would remind him of that when he was well and got irritated with me about something.  I’m saving brownie points for the future when I plan to have my nervous breakdown.