And to those of you who that read but don’t comment – thank you for being interested in enough in this boring life to drop by. Thank you Tony for helping me carve out this little cave on the web. It’s a place I can let my thoughts wander or solidify, whichever I need at the moment. That’s more of a gift than you will ever know.
For those of you that know me, you know this blog started when we were literally living at Baylor. Dale was so sick and we were there, not just for days, but for weeks. The hours and hours that he was out of it were some of the longest and painful of my life and this blog gave me a place to talk about it or to talk about other things to get my mind off it.
I’m not a letter writer or a card sender. I have good intentions but the moment passes and it’s too late. Here at “Thoughts Have Wings” I have been able to write one long continuing letter about whatever is going on at the moment. Things that are happening in my life, things I was learning and wanted to share, recipes and computer hints, whatever is rattling around my brain. It has been as unfocused as I tend to be, taking it’s lack of direction from the writer.
I have tried at times to develop more of a focus. This isn’t a tech blog, but it’s not a mommy blog either. Sometimes it has been about faith and sometimes about education. Sometimes about politics and my views on the world and sometimes just about quirky nothings that were just views out the side window as I passed by them. It probably reflects just how unfocused I am or at least how changeable that focus is. It may be a bit too self involved at times but I’ll do penance for that elsewhere.
It has been a journey and like any journey it has been exciting at times and then others I just wanted to whine like a little kid “are we there yet??” Other times I just felt so weary and wanted to go home. There have been times when I just couldn’t find words to type. Some of those times just reflected how busy I was. I have learned that in order for me to have something to write there has to be time to think. Life moves so quickly with so much business involved that there seems to be little actual quiet time to just think. When I am able to take a step back and just stare out that journey window and listen to some quiet music I find that I am still in there somewhere after all. We move through days going from task to task with little time to make actual decisions about what we do and why we do it.
For me that is the most important thing about a holiday. Christmas is full of rushing, doing, visiting, shopping, and cooking. The real holiday for me is after all that calms down and we can slow our pace and reflect on the last year and look ahead to the next.
I don’t make New Years resolutions any more because I know myself. I am a procrastinator, an excuse maker, and I live in the land of denial. I am great at intentions but not so great at follow-through. I can be irritating but I’m loyal as hell. If I love you, I love you forever and if I think I’ve wronged you I can’t stand it till I apologize and then I will still hang on to my guilt for awhile.
If I was the kind of person who made resolutions, I would resolve to make sure that in this next year I intentionally take time to think. I will purposefully step away from the treadmill of life occasionally and give my self time to breath. I will take moments to stick in some earbuds, turn on the music and just be a human. I think I will make that resolution. I will plug in some John Mayer and go “Free Fallin”….
“Gonna free fall out into nothin
Gonna leave this world for a while”
photo by http://flickr.com/photos/knowhim/