The month before Christmas I lost ten pounds.  “Lost” is a strange word to use.  It doesn’t really describe the process.  Shoved away makes more sense.  Stomped, fought, starved, anything but lost.  I didn’t misplace it with hopes of finding it later.  It didn’t get pushed to the back of a drawer or dropped behind my nightstand.  I won’t be taking out an ad in the paper or passing out flyers, hoping someone will return it.

I have hit a plateau and can’t seem to break past it.  I was depressed about it yesterday.  Maybe depressed isn’t the correct word.  Frustrated comes closer. This morning I woke up thinking about dieting this time of year.  I realized that instead of hitting a plateau I have just managed to maintain the status quo through the Christmas holidays.  When you think about it in those terms it sounds much better.  I did sample a few goodies so I didn’t feel totally deprived.  I did not gain the weight I lost back, so this is really a letter of encouragement to myself.

This is NOT a resolution.  Knowing myself, I have to hide any kind of formal committment from myself – close my eyes, hide my head under my pillow, whistle in the dark – whatever you want to call it.  I will stick my fingers in my ears and sing lalala, I’m not really doing anything significant here – nope not me.

Here’s to jumping off the plateau.  No more holiday goodies hanging around as I “shed” pounds.  There’s another silly phrase.  Like a tree sheds it’s leaves, a gentle breeze blows and the pounds just drift away.

That last sentence sounded a lot better in my head in my best sarcastic voice.  Has all this made me a bit grouchy?

Yes.

“Everybody look whats going down”
Officially. Freaked. Out.

Is this real?

Unrest caused by bad economy may require military action, report says
By Diana Washington Valdez / El Paso Times
Posted: 12/29/2008 12:00:00 AM MST

EL PASO — A U.S. Army War College report warns an economic crisis in the United States could lead to massive civil unrest and the need to call on the military to restore order.

Retired Army Lt. Col. Nathan Freir wrote the report “Known Unknowns: Unconventional Strategic Shocks in Defense Strategy Development,” which the Army think tank in Carlisle, Pa., recently released.

“Widespread civil violence inside the United States would force the defense establishment to reorient priorities … to defend basic domestic order and human security,” the report said, in case of “unforeseen economic collapse,” “pervasive public health emergencies,” and “catastrophic natural and human disasters,” among other possible crises.

The report also suggests the new (Barack Obama) administration could face a “strategic shock” within the first eight months in office.

Fort Bliss spokeswoman Jean Offutt said the Army post is not involved in any recent talks about a potential military response to civil unrest.

The report become a hot Internet item after Phoenix police told the Phoenix Business Journal they’re prepared to deal with such an event, and the International Monetary Fund’s managing director, Dominique Strauss-Khan, said social unrest could spread to advanced countries if the global economic crisis worsens.

You can read the rest of the article at El Paso Times.  If you know this is fake or some bizarre radical document I wish you would let me know.

The content of the article scares me but the fact that the article exists at all is surreal.  What country did I wake up in?  What world is this?  Reality is starting to read like some weird futuristic novel.  I have the urge move to a cave somewhere.

Just passing this on – hope it helps

From my friend BJ:

I found a dog on Sunday, Dec 21, behind Taco Bell (please no jokes, lol). She was looking for food, and looked at me with those pitiful eyes, lol. The cold front was starting to move through and the low was going to be 15. I didn’t want the dog to freeze or get run over, so I let her in my car. She is a black lab mix, 1-2 years old, very friendly and intelligent – she’s already learning a few commands. I would hope that the owners would read this, or that someone here on Topix knows someone who is missing a dog. You can reach me at homer4k@gmail.com

She’s a great dog – very friendly. I would like nothing better than to get her back to her home.

He had a major soft spot for dogs but she really does seem to be a good dog and looked like she had been well taken care of.

And to those of you who that read but don’t comment – thank you for being interested in enough in this boring life to drop by.  Thank you Tony for helping me carve out this little cave on the web.  It’s a place I can let my thoughts wander or solidify, whichever I need at the moment.  That’s more of a gift than you will ever know.

For those of you that know me, you know this blog started when we were literally living at Baylor.  Dale was so sick and we were there, not just for days, but for weeks.  The hours and hours that he was out of it were some of the longest and painful of my life and this blog gave me a place to talk about it or to talk about other things to get my mind off it.

I’m not a letter writer or a card sender. I have good intentions but the moment passes and it’s too late.  Here at “Thoughts Have Wings” I have been able to write one long continuing letter about whatever is going on at the moment.  Things that are happening in my life, things I was learning and wanted to share, recipes and computer hints, whatever is rattling around my brain.  It has been as unfocused as I tend to be, taking it’s lack of direction from the writer.

I have tried at times to develop more of a focus.  This isn’t a tech blog, but it’s not a mommy blog either.  Sometimes it has been about faith and sometimes about education.  Sometimes about politics and my views on the world and sometimes just about quirky nothings that were just views out the side window as I passed by them.  It probably reflects just how unfocused I am or at least how changeable that focus is.  It may be a bit too self involved at times but I’ll do penance for that elsewhere.

It has been a journey and like any journey it has been exciting at times and then others I just wanted to whine like a little kid “are we there yet??”  Other times I just felt so weary and wanted to go home.  There have been times when I just couldn’t find words to type.  Some of those times just reflected how busy I was.  I have learned that in order for me to have something to write there has to be time to think.  Life moves so quickly with so much business involved that there seems to be little actual quiet time to just think.  When I am able to take a step back and just stare out that journey window and listen to some quiet music I find that I am still in there somewhere after all.  We move through days going from task to task with little time to make actual decisions about what we do and why we do it.

For me that is the most important thing about a holiday.  Christmas is full of rushing, doing, visiting, shopping, and cooking.  The real holiday for me is after all that calms down and we can slow our pace and reflect on the last year and look ahead to the next.

I don’t make New Years resolutions any more because I know myself.  I am a procrastinator, an excuse maker, and I live in the land of denial.  I am great at intentions but not so great at follow-through.  I can be irritating but I’m loyal as hell. If I love you, I love you forever and if I think I’ve wronged you I can’t stand it till I apologize and then I will still hang on to my guilt for awhile.

If I was the kind of person who made resolutions, I would resolve to make sure that in this next year I intentionally take time to think.  I will purposefully step away from the treadmill of life occasionally and give my self time to breath.  I will take moments to stick in some earbuds, turn on the music and just be a human.  I think I will make that resolution.  I will plug in some John Mayer and go “Free Fallin”….

“Gonna free fall out into nothin
Gonna leave this world for a while”

photo by http://flickr.com/photos/knowhim/

1.  The first presents I really remember getting were a Timex watch and a Brownie Camera and a John Gnagy Art Set.

2. I always knew which presents came from granny and papa because granny spelled Santa Claus – Sandy Clause.  I always knew when they came to the house Christmas eve to bring our presents.  We were in bed but I had the top bunk and would see their car pull up.

3.  I grew up in Michigan so I don’t really remember us ever NOT having a white Christmas.

4.  When I was about nine we drove into the city (Detroit) for Christmas dinner at my aunt and uncle’s house.  My uncle gave me a little glass of Cold Duck without my parents knowing it.  I remember eating dinner and wondering why my face felt so hot LOL

5.  We always had a real tree.  Dad would buy one on his way home from work in the city and pull up with it tied to the roof of his car.  We had the regular old time screw in lights and glass ornaments and tinsel. Mom used an old sheet for a tree skirt.

6. When I was old enough Mom and I would make ornaments.  One year we made all these felt birds.  She sewed them with a little stuffing in them and I decorated them with glitter sequins, and bits of ribbon and rick rack.  Because they were all jewel tone colors, we bought foil wrapping paper in coordinating colors and a bow maker and we wrapped presents to match the ornaments.  It was beautiful and we had so much fun.  We made sugar cookies and “painted” them with egg yolk and food coloring paint to keep up our “theme”.  My mom was very cool and I miss her often.

7. We attended a small First Congregational Church and one Christmas Eve a lady started out in the back of the church singing Ave Maria.  It was the first time I had heard it and I had shivers the whole time she was singing.  I could easily have believed it was an angel.

8. My youngest brother was born December 18th when I was 11.  Christmas was pretty quiet but Mom had done all the shopping ahead of time.  We had tv dinners that Christmas but I don’t remember thinking anything about it at the time.

9. Dale and I have bought one of those little brass ornaments every year we have been married.

10. One year we made every single gift including the ones for his sisters and our nieces.  I crocheted 3 entire wedding outfits for Barbies that year and even bought little shoes and bouquets and made veils.

11.  When Kinsey was three we went to see Santa and the only thing he told Santa that he wanted for Christmas was a snowball.  We lived in Louisiana!  I racked my brain and finally ended up buying a styrofoam ball in the craft section at wally world.  The kids got Power Ranger tv trays that year and they were sitting out on Christmas morning with new slippers and “snowballs” on them.  He was so excited that Santa had remembered!

12.  I made stockings for the kids when they were small and they are nearly two feet long with their names appliqued on them.  It got so it was almost as expensive to fill the stockings as it was to buy the rest of their Christmas.  Now they are perfect for the ubiquitous socks and underwear LOL.  The best thing about them being so big was that when the kids got old enough, they would get up before us and take the stockings to one of their bedrooms and spread out their goodies.  They would play for awhile and it probably bought us an extra hour or two of sleep!

13.  One year when Christmas Day fell on a Sunday the kids were all allowed to bring one of their Christmas presents to church.  They went down front with the pastor and he went through each toy and related it to a bible story.  I was pretty impressed at what a good job he did for thinking on his feet.  The kids were glad they could bring their prizes but the adults probably got more out of it than the kids.

14.  The year of “THE ICE STORM” I was warming up food Christmas day evening and the power went out.  We didn’t have electricity again til New Years Day.  The kids had gotten GameBoys for Christmas and we went to K-Mart and bought these little attachments that were lights so they could play the GameBoys (and extra batteries) – we ended up playing a lot of board games.  We had a gas stove and gas hot water heater and a King wood heater so we were never cold and kept food on a table made from a sheet of plywood in the garage.  We were a lot better off than most.

15.  Last Christmas Dale and I snuck home from Dallas a little sooner than he was supposed to.  Jessica had decorated the tree and Dale was still not recovered but felt so much better just being home.  We didn’t tell a lot of people because he wasn’t supposed to be around a lot of folks yet.  It was a time of just being grateful that he was alive and that we were home.

16.  This Christmas we look back on where he was last year and how far he has come and the gratitude has grown.  We had a quiet day with both kids here most of the day and just eating snacks and hanging out.  Simple things but miraculous too.  I hope you all have had a simple, joyous holiday celebrating the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ.  If we never receive another gift for the rest of our lives, we have already been given so much more than we deserve.

19 years ago yesterday I was starting  my day like any other day – getting ready for the holidays and expecting your arrival near the end of January.  I had been uncomfortable but who isn’t at 8 months pregnant?  By 2:00 a.m. I had a tiny, perfect little boy.

We were living in a fourth floor apartment on South Gallup in Littleton Colorado.  You could see the foothills from our bedroom window.  We were next door to the Littleton Public Library and across the street from Ketring Park.

       
It was a nice place to live.  I went to the library all the time and we would walk around the park and take bread and feed the ducks that lived on the little lake there.  There was a goose that always bullied his way to the front and would nip my fingers if I didn’t get the bread to him fast enough.

On weekends we would usually go explore in the mountains.  It didn’t matter what time of year – winter through summer it was always beautiful and peaceful.  We especially liked riding around up by Indian Hills and Evergreen.  We would go sledding up in Evergreen and there was a greek restaurant in Indian Hills that we would eat lunch at.  We drove a white van much like the one in the picture.

You were born in Littleton Adventist Hospital.   It was brand new and they had a beautiful birthing center with suites that looked more like hotel rooms than hospital rooms.

So today we will have your traditional Strawberry Twinkie Cake and after Christmas we will hopefully take you to Tyler (if all the blasted pieces fall into place!) and you will be on your own.  You have wanted to be grown up since you were two.  You have always gotten frustrated easily.  If something was supposed to work a certain way then it should and it would make you so mad if it didn’t.  I can remember you playing for a few minutes with lego blogs and then seeing them fly through the air.  We bought you some bristle blocks because they stuck together any way you tried.

Your favorite toys were Power Rangers, My First Transformers, and anything you could wear.  You put on hats and put “tools” and things in a backpack and went on adventures in the back yard.  You liked to help me in the kitchen but you LOVED to help your dad.  Whatever he was doing you had to be right in the big middle of it.

This year you and your dad have been going to lunch together several times a week at least.  Between work, school, debate – I’m gone in the morning before you get up and I’m often asleep by the time you get home.  I’m glad you have this time with your dad.  I worry about the future.  We as a generation haven’t left things in very good shape.

I hope that your dreams come true and I pray that you will learn how to not always do it the hard way. Give yourself and everyone else a break now and then.  Learn to relax a bit, go with the flow.  Let plans change sometimes without it meaning the end of the world. We love you and are very proud of the man you are becoming.  Happy Birthday.
For those of you visiting – here is how to make Strawberry Twinkie Cake

1 box of Twinkies
1 can Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk
1 box instant vanilla pudding (can also use cheesecake flavor)
1 cup of milk
1 small container of cool whip
1 24 oz. container of frozen sweetened strawberries (I used to use 2 of the little frozen cans but they didn’t have those this year at the store)

Cut the twinkies in half and place cream side up in a 9 x 13 pan
Spread with strawberries and juice
Mix the rest of the ingredients and spread on top of the strawberries
Refrigerate (this is better if you make it the night before and give the flavors a chance to work through)

YUM
To whoever left a gift certificate for Scholl Bros. BBQ in our mailbox – thank you so much!

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone 🙂

It is sleeting here, and raining, and maybe a little snow.  It is going to be cold tonight and I think if we have school tomorrow it will be late.  Number one son is on the way back from Lindale with a debate team and I will feel better when he is home.  I don’t like it when the weather is bad and any of the family is out in it – better to be right here in front of the fireplace which is my plan for the evening!

I had to make a computer housecall this evening so supper is late and being on a diet, I do NOT do late well.  The housecall was at a friend of hubby’s and he couldn’t send pictures via email.  The pictures are about a meg and a half and he had tried to send thirteen at one time.  He now has a Flickr account and ran through a practice upload and a copy and pasting of the link into an email.  I’m sure I’ll be going back but hopefully this will hold him for a little while.
Oh but “The Big Bang Theory” made up for it!  Penny gave Sheldon a napkin that Leonard Nimoy signed and when Sheldon found out that Leonard had actually used the napkin and that he had Leonard Nimoy’s DNA he actually cried.  Yes, I guess you had to be there…

I’m going back to having my feet up in front of the fireplace.  Stay warm and dry everyone and LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!

Lately I have had a really bad case of what Dale calls “the don’ts”. I get home from work and “don’t” want to do anything that requires thinking.  I don’t want to do anything but “veg” out in front of the tv.  I don’t want to read anything educational and I don’t want to work at anything.  I am needing a good dose of holiday spirit and holiday vacation.  I know – we just had a few days off for Thanksgiving but that didn’t do it for me.

I don’t want to watch the news about how bad the economy is.  I don’t want to read the news about how bad unemployment is.  I don’t want to hear about politics or the war. I don’t want to think about some guy over in Iraq who is missing his family and I don’t want to think about family and friends who are struggling right now.
It’s not that I don’t care about all those things and I usually love to learn new things, read new things, and do more when I get home than turn into an extra lump of a pillow in a chair in the living room.

I apologize deeply to all who have it so much worse than I do, for whining but I am feeling very much like Scarlet O’hara right now – I will think about it in the morning (or after Christmas)  I will say a prayer and leave it with God and trust that He is going to work it all out and wait for the circle to turn to where I can drum up a bit of enthusiasm or even a slight case of curiosity.  I. am. officially. no. fun.

This too shall pass.